It’s all but inevitable that couples who decide to create a wedding registry (84% of engaged couples by our last check) will at some point consider how large their registry ought to be. It is our sense that most couples don’t think about this before they start scanning items, but, rather, reach a point where they’ve added everything they can think to add and then ask themselves “is this enough?”
We love that many couples jump right into their registries without weighing themselves down with the “why” or “how” of it all. In fact, we think registering is one of the best bonding experiences couples can have while preparing for their wedding.
That said, after you’ve had a registry date or two with your partner (which we highly recommend), it’s worth taking some time to think about how you can make your registry most effective to increase the likelihood you’ll receive as many of your most desired items as possible. An effective registry is, among other things, a properly sized registry.
Exactly how many gifts does it take to make that perfect Goldilocks registry (not too big nor too small)? That’s the question we attempt to answer with this post.
The Prevailing Wisdom
Let’s start by discussing the pros and cons of the two most common rules of thumb for registry size.
Two items per invited guest plus some extras
This is the guidance we see most often. And to be honest, you could do worse; it’s not bad advice. The underlying wisdom is that most guests will purchase one or two individual items as their gift and so having a few more than twice the number of items as you do guests will ensure you don’t run out. Where this approach falls short is determining what constitutes a gift and how you count individual (especially smaller) items? Is a single spatula a gift? Are two spatulas a gift? How about a flatware place setting? And how do you account for guests with the means and desire to splurge? Will you be left with too few gifts for other guests, thereby giving them a reason to venture off registry? We think the chances are high with this method.
One gift per household
This advice improves on the “two items per guest” rule in an important way: it considers that guests within a single household will usually show up to a wedding with just one gift. The definition of “household” is loose. Your adult cousin and her plus one who you don’t know are as much a household for gift giving as your sister, her husband, and their two children. On the other hand, your three single friends from college who all live together are probably not a household and will likely each bring their own gifts. While improved, this rule still does not give us a clear understanding of what a gift is or how we should count them. The key challenge remains.
Further, neither of these approaches adequately account for the possibility of group gifting, which an increasing number of registry providers offer, nor do they factor in the small percentage of your guests (probably between 10 and 20 percent) who will give you cash or gift cards whether or not you’ve asked for them. These approaches also don’t account for your closest guests who may purchase multiple gifts at different points leading up to your actual wedding day (more on this below).
Important Considerations
When deciding on the right size for your registry, there are a few things you’ll want to keep in mind.
First, as we will discuss at length in future posts, good wedding registries are not static. The size of your list will ebb and flow as your big day approaches. If it gets shopped hard before a shower, for example, you’ll want to add more gifts before your next party or your actual wedding day. Put simply, the registry size you aim for when you first start adding items will likely differ from what you will target as your wedding day approaches.
Second, your family, friends, coworkers, and even acquaintances will start shopping your registry far in advance of your actual wedding day. Thus, your registry needs to be large enough to accommodate all pre-wedding events including engagement parties, showers, bachelor or bachelorette parties, work parties, etc.
Third, keep in mind the size of your registry is the cumulative size of all individual registries you create with different retailers, online registry aggregators, etc. Don’t feel like each of your individual store registries need to, on their own, achieve your target registry size. Add them all up. Guests will appreciate having the option to shop more than one registry even if each registry is smaller than it might be if it were the only one.
Fourth, if you decide to ask for cash, honeymoon or down payment contributions, or any of the less traditional, but increasingly popular registry options available and widely accepted by guests, this will reduce the number of physical items you need to register for.
Finally, the biggest factor influencing the size of your registry is the size of your wedding. Until you know how many guests you plan to invite, it will be difficult to determine exactly how large your registry should be. But don’t fret, an estimate can get you started. We know well that assembling a final guest list can be a monthslong process and engagement parties—usually the first gift giving opportunity—come quick. We recommend registering for a smaller number of items soon after your engagement to get you through these first events. After that, you can finalize your guest list and use the method we outline below to determine your ideal registry size.
Our Approach
After extensive research and many discussions with engaged and married couples, we have arrived at a registry sizing strategy we think will serve you well. Our approach is based on the total dollar value of your registry: the number of households on your guest list times the average amount spent on a wedding gift by most people.
Registry total dollar value = the number of households on your guest list x the average amount spent by each household.
Process
Start by determining the approximate number of households on your guest list. If you only plan to invite adults to your wedding, your number of households will be the number of couples attending plus guests attending solo. Together, this sum will probably be around 60 or 70 percent of the total number of individuals you are inviting. That said, you know your guest list best. Use the 60-70 percent range as a guide and adjust up or down based on the makeup of your actual list. Keep in mind, if you plan to invite families with children, your total number of households will go down.
For a 250-person wedding with adults only:
Households = 250 * .60 = 150
Next, multiple your number of households by the average amount people spend on wedding gifts. We will discuss the economics of wedding registries, including how much guests spend, in much greater detail in future posts, but for now, let’s assume your guests will spend an average of $160 per gift. The per gift average you select will, again, depend on the makeup of your guest list. For example, if you are getting married right out of college and expect your guest list will be filled with lots of young adults, your gift average may be lower. If you are in your late thirties or early forties and most of your guests are around the same age, you can expect your gift average to be a bit higher. We think $160 is good place to start.
Registry total dollar value = 150 households * $160 = $24,000
Finally, to account for engagement parties and other pre-wedding events, we recommend adding the greater of an additional 5% per event or $50-$75 per expected pre-wedding event household (using the same approach to determine number of households we describe above).
For a single 50-person engagement party with adults only:
Households = 50 * .60 = 30
Add to registry total dollar value = 30 * $75 = $2,250*
*Note $2,250 is greater than 5% of the original registry total dollar value (5% of $24,000 = $1,200)
Other Factors
Keep in mind, there are exceptions to every rule and some common pitfalls exist in the registry process. After all, no strategy is foolproof. Here are a few things to look out for.
First, the number of individual items on your registry still matters. Adding high-value gifts in lieu of multiple average-priced items could result in a registry that is too small by total number of items. Let common sense be your guide here. If you think high-value gifts are skewing your overall registry size, remove them from your total registry value calculation and try hitting your targeted registry value (or close to it) with only your average-priced gifts.
Second, group gifting continues to increase in popularity, especially among younger guests. Like asking for cash or honeymoon contributions, group gifting could reduce the numbers of physical items needed on your registry. That said, in our experience, guests’ comfort with or acceptance of group gifting is highly age dependent. While of course there are exceptions, we have found that older guests tend to favor giving individual physical gifts. If you opt to add group gifting to your registry mix, be sure to have at least some physical gift options to account for all your guests’ preferences.
Third, most registry providers (retailers, aggregators, etc.) allow you to register for gift cards and specify a specific dollar amount you are requesting. The total dollar amount of requested gift cards can be subtracted from your target registry value. However, we do not recommend that the total value of requested gift cards exceed 20% of your targeted registry value. For example, if your targeted registry value is $24,000, you should try to keep your requested gift card balance at or below $4,800.
Finally, it’s important to keep in mind that, at the end of the day, most guests just want to feel an emotional connection with couples through the gift giving process. Registry size and makeup should help your guests achieve this goal, not become a hurdle to achieving it. Keep this in mind when you evaluate whether less traditional registry options are right for you. We recommend always maintaining some sort of physical gift registry to accommodate the wishes of your more traditional guests.
Final Thoughts
Like many wedding planning details, a properly sized registry will likely go unnoticed by most guests. It will just feel right to them, not limiting, and will facilitate them finding and purchasing a gift they feel good about. The alternative, a poorly sized registry, will stick out like a sore thumb and has the potential to annoy or irritate your guests. This will not put guests in a charitable mood and encourage them to shop generously. We think the strategy outlined above will serve most couples very well in creating a perfectly sized registry. Use it as a guide, but trust your instinct. You know your guests best. Let us know how our registry sizing strategy works for you.
